Aussie Day 1 - En Route to Oz

09/09/05 Friday
The advanced party, comprising Yonghe (YH), Fengyi (FY), Peijun (PJ) and Shafiq had already been in Sydney for 5 days. "Bring Maggie Mee," says YH, " cos food is damn ex."

Dined at BK at Changi, prior to becoming paupers down under.
(From L to R: ZX, Charles, Diana, GF, Dennis)

And boarded our early morning Quantas flight.

Food: 5/10

Entertainment:
6/10

Service: 3/10
(non Chink- friendly)
Too early if u ask me..... But we were adequately compensated with zzz.

7 Hrs later, we arrived at Kings- fordsmith Airport in Sydney ...

where we took the airport transfer to our hotel - The YWCA.

(Note: The place looks chio-er in the Photographs, but nevertheless it's a 3.5 stars place at a reasonable price)

Point to note for potential travellers - declare every damn thing. Yours truly failed to declare 10 packets of instant noodles, solid fuel, and prophylactic medication and was delayed for a good half an hour while the (female) security officer rumaged through underwear in my luggage. Do they think I smuggle drugs in my testicles or something?

As pre-arranged, we met the advance party (minus PJ) at our hotel lobby at 8. (9 actually cos we were late :p)

They brought us around Sydney in search of affordable dinner. Somehow we ended up getting fish and chips in Oxford Street, Sydney's homosexual district. The stall owner was a nice chap who was from Spain! Not sure if he's straight though.


After satisfying our bellies, YH led us to King's Cross, Sydney's Mecca of heterosexual sleaze.

Incidentaly this is also where we first encountered local hospitality . Some white guy drove past and merrily waved his middle-finger, called us Mother-f**king chinks and sped off, presumably to have a good time with his mom.

Just across the road from "The Sex Machine", the group of us were solicited to watch women tease and undress. Actually ZX was persuaded, cajoled, and even had his ass groped (by the male solicitor cum bouncer) when we identified him as our leader. (Charles' doing I think). For the record we did not go in cos ZX got turned-off after being literally man-handled.

Plans for the next day were made, and we trooped back to the YWCA for a late night booze session. Rum from the friendly Kingsfordsmith DFS was the cheapest we could find. GF as usual was hum and abstained from alcohol. We went to bed sometime at 3 am.

The weather was great (cool in the day and freezing at night), the company was excellent, and labwork was left 7000 miles back in Singapore. The stage was set for wild, raunchy fun and adventure.

I couldn't wait.

Aussie Day 2 - I'm Blue da ba dee....

10/09/05 Saturday
Woke up at 7am and the room was already flooded with warm sunshine. My roomies Charles and ZX had decided not to go to the Blue Mts (BM) as they had already been there once.
"But you should go," ZX mumbled half-asleep, " it's beautiful...zzzz"

I met GF, Di, and YH at the cafe downstairs and we discovered that our "Complementary breakfast worth AUD$9" comprised a bowl of cereal, coffee, juice, and a buffet of sliced-bread and accompanying spreads.

Mornings in sydney were generally cool, about 17 degrees celcius or so. Not exactly North-pole cold, except that the wind necessitates the use of a light jacket. The city is neat and extends its charismatic welcome.

We had arranged to meet PJ, FY and Shafiq at the train station. Also there we were introduced to Coles, the local NTUC where we could get supplies for reasonable prices.

At the station we opted for the Blue Mts explorer package, which included a return ticket to Katoomba station (~$11)and the BM explorer bus ticket (~$26).

The train ride there took 2 Hrs, which was fine with me cos I was seriously sleep starved.
Evidently, I was not alone.

Blue mountains? Where got Mountain? BM actually refers to a whole region but there are small towns like Leura and Katoomba, so no worries about ammenties. There is however, a significant lack of public restrooms, which explains the dour faces to the right.

We took the explorer bus over to the sightseeing spots, discovering also that one can actually get a ticket from a rival service provider over there for $11.

The scenery was truly breathtaking. We made our way from one lookout point to another, like ants on an molehill. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of smallness (no pun intended), infinitesimal, marvelling at the incomparable works of the creator.
Naturally we found our own Kodak Moments as the other tourists looked on, wondering if all Asians were as mad as us.
As I was saying.....

Looking retarded really is our forte.
Melancholic at our impending departure.

We were at the train station that looked more like a bus stop, waiting for our return train when it started raining. We were freaking freezing. Worse still, there was some problem and the train was delayed. The anouncement said 20 min delay but it turned out to be an hour and a half. The girls took out their arsenal of clothing as we guys amused ourselves. GF wanted to jog around to keep warm, at which point I thought he siao liao. Huddling in the cold, unrelenting wind, we formed the Fellowship of the Chinks.

But wait! what were Charles and ZX doing while the rest of us were away frolicking with nature?

1. They woke up much later.
2. They ate breakfast much later.
3. They travelled much later.
4. They went to Chinatown and Darling Harbour

At night we met up at a $5 steak house near The George (YH's hotel). They were sceptical of our claims of being over 21, and almost refused Diana entry (she didn't bring her passport)
Cold, tired, and hungry, I never loved cows so much in my entire life.

Aussie Day 3 - Baywatch

11/09/05 Sunday
Today's plan was a drive up to Port Stephens, 200km north of Sydney. Our vehicle was a 1.8L Toyota Corolla (auto) which we rented for $60. ZX and Charles were the appointed drivers and we paid an additional $12 each since they were under 25. So the 2 of them took business class seats up front while YH, GF, Di and I tussled with limbs at the back.

The hardest part of getting to Port Stephens was getting out of the city. There was a marathon going on, so the Men in Blue were on duty closing off a couple of roads. Unfortunately, these were the roads that we wanted to use to cross Harbour Bridge. So we went past the Fish Market, up and down Harris Road twice, and by some freak accident, found the sign that led us to Harbour Bridge, out of sydney.
Once out, it was a straightforward 2 and a half hours drive up Highway 1, past Newcastle, and then east to Nelson Bay. ZX drove the first shift and hit 140 km/h on the highway.But since everyone's going so fast, you hardly feel the speed. DJ Charles was responsible for great music, and YH and I tried to get our bearings.

We arrived at Nelson Bay a little after Lunch time. There we noticed 3 things -

1. The Place was quiet as hell on the Sunday Afternoon.
2. There were many many Skin Cancer Clinics. It's like you confirm will kena Skin cancer at some point.
3. Our bladders were full but once again, no public restrooms.

Closer to the Bay we found a Pie Shop called Red Neds. The lady inside was kind enough to let us use the secret women's toilet that required access via a key. 6 empty bladders and 1 empty rectum later, we had our feast of exotic pies at Red Neds.

And by exotic, I mean pies with stuffing like Kangaroo and Crocodile. ZX also chatted up with the owner, who later gave GF complementary chips. Chips which I felt were saltier than the sea. We also discovered that the following week was the "National Pie week", kindda like National Day and Pie Week combined.

The bayfront was captivating with calm waters, blue skies, and fleet of docked yatches. We took some hurried pictures and tried to look for a dolphin watching cruise. We approached the booth at the dock, and yes, there was one final tour for the day, in just 5 minutes time. YH also tried to con the guys into selling Di the child ticket. The guy almost believed him until someone burst out laughing.

So we climbed aboard the Seabreeze

And went far out where dolphins made merri- ment under our yatch, occasionally popping their heads out of the water.

With the wind in our faces and the waves lapping up at our feet, we all had a great time out front. Well, almost all of us anyway.

Next stop was Anna bay, where we were promised great scenary by the lady in the pie shop. Whoever Anna was that the place was named after, she must have been damn chio ... Anna Kournikova maybe? Haha ... We arrived at Anna bay just before dusk.

The locals were friendly, and offered to help us take photographs. We insisted their dog join us.

Because really, we don't have dogs in Singapore ...

We watched pensively, filled with awe, as the crimson sphere extinguished it's glowing ambers into the horizon. What is it that makes the sunset any different from, say Sentosa? It's inexplicable, but it's different. Probably like making love versus having sex? I dunno.

And of course we clowned around ...

before Charles took us back to Sydney. We had Eagleboy's Pizza at Newcastle for dinner. Cheap, superb, and all in all memorable. Finding our way back, the mild panic the ensued when we thought we might be lost, the off-key singing of retro hits to the car stereo, moments like these were integral in making our road trip an indelible part of our memories.

Boozing at the balcony in the night.

Cheers, Mate!

(Warning - Alcohol causes cirrhosis which may lead to gynaecomastia. The author does not encourage nor condone the consumption of alcoholic beverages to get high. Drugs do a much better job.)

Aussie Day 4 - SOH, where are we going?

12/09/05 Monday
The SEP people had to endure another morning of misery in school, whilst we set out to explore the city. At our doorstep was Hyde Park, home to the Anzac Memorial.
The Anzac memorial was built in memory of the soldiers who died in the World wars and Vietnam War.
The sign below made it clear as we entered that no photographs were allowed. This was a shrine of reverence to the honoured dead.
But of course since we're mother-f**king chinks who need to watch more Sesame Street, they can't blame us for not comprehending.
YH et al. had called at abt 1100 to say that they were done with school for the day. That's an amazing 2 hours that they spent there, and we arranged to meet at Hyde park.
We were constantly amazed at how relaxed the people were and why on earth are there so many happy people at the park on a Monday morning? And I don't mean the roadside vendors. There's your average Joe munching on his sandwich in front of therapeutically calm water, and then there's your above average Dennis taking leisurely strolls at speeds not exceeding 2 km/hr. I mean there are paralysed people in Singapore who move faster than that!

Happy people playing chess in the park on a Monday morning is just not right.
Slacking on the grass, though, is freaking contagious.

After meeting up we made our way to MacQuarie's Chair, where YH promised us a postcard-like view of the Sydney Opera House (SOH). But first, there was the New South Wales Art Gallery.
Personally I'm not a big fan of art, especially art that didn't make sense or looked like crap. Ah Meng could have made some of these...
Nah, she's much better than that....
So we decided to spoof some of the works there. At least THAT was interesting.

The only redeeming factor for the 2 hours or so we spent there was that we managed to spot one decent article of artistic value. However she was walking too quickly for us to get a decent shot.
We trudged against the insane gail that rivalled Katrina en route to our destination, chatting, laughing, and of course, taking an obscene number of photographs.
Naturally we had to have one of GF posing like the Lion King...
Macquarie's rear end is gargantuan to require a chair this hugh.
And a breathtaking view of the SOH and the Harbour Bridge.

Closer to the Opera House.
We can't afford Pavarotti and Friends, so a shot with the Gift Shop seems reasonable.
Behind the SOH, the Harbour Bridge in its full glory. Tourists can actually scale the arch of the bridge in a guided tour, but YH claims the sheer cost of it will make you want to jump down from the top after that.
A night shot of the SOH and HB from PJ.

We deliberated upon where to have our dinner, and YH suggested the $5 steak place near Darling Harbour. That place was excellent, so good that us guys had 2 steaks each. And I even shared a plate of bangers (also $5) with someone. The cows must really hate this place.

The resident gambler YH took us for a tour around Star Casino next. We walked around and decided gambling was not for us, although we did pick up "Texas Hold'em", a variation of poker which we later played in Rm 706 of the YWCA. ZX was lucky to escape at the death. Twice.

All in all a tiring day of grandeur and vice. And we were lucky the hotel management didn't throw us out for setting up our own rowdy gambling den.